Anything that can make you cry requires a mammal.
[Fictional Internal Memo - Parody]
From: People Analytics
To: Executive Team and People Leaders
Subject: Manager Upgrade Pilot. Human plus Algorithm
Date: 2025-09-29
Recent coverage says a majority of workers think AI-led management could make workplaces more fair and efficient, while still wanting humans for empathy, motivation, and ethical calls. A Newsweek piece on a Resume Now survey reports 66 percent in favor of AI leadership benefits, and HR Dive notes employees still want a human in the loop for sensitive decisions.
We will trial a co-management model. Human handles feelings, snacks, and the sentence you needed to hear. Algorithm handles calibration, calendars, and the memory of every promise made since 2019.
Operating rules:
- Anything that can make someone cry requires a human in the room. Performance ratings, comp, RIFs, and anything that starts with we need to talk.
- The model drafts performance notes using nouns and verbs. Humans add context, nuance, and compliments spelled correctly.
- Escalation keyword is human please. Type it in chat, email subject lines, or hold it up on a sticky note to the webcam.
- Every model ships with a card that includes data sources, bias checks, drift, and a section titled How wrong, how fast, how sorry. If sorry is blank, we pause the pilot.
- Approved vocabulary includes Decision Support Manager and Co-lead. Prohibited nicknames include RoboBoss, The Algorithm, and Mother.
- KPIs include fewer we need to talk meetings, more we already fixed it messages, and zero the algorithm made me do it excuses.
